My Atmospheric Generosity Days Are Numbered

To all of you who have fallen victim to a "dutch oven" in bed from your significant other, your suffering did not go in vain. Reasearchers have discovered a way to make beans less ... uh ... gaseous. The report states that by adding two different bacteria (Lactobacillus casei and Lactobacillus plantarum), both of which are normally produced in the large intestines, to the beans before cooking them they become easier to digest and hence produce less flatulence. Although this discovery has the potential to bring relief to millions of people, and open a wider range of culinary delights to many more ... it's a shame that science finally caught up with me.