G.I. Joe: A Real American Sissy

Not to be outdone, the military in the last year has hopped right on the politically correct bandwagon (or in this case APC) by forcing their drill sergeants to adopt "a more counseling" role rather than the traditional in your face, talk loud - talk often to get their attention. Experts claim that this approach has in fact reduced by almost 7 percent the number of recruits who wash out in the first 6 to 12 months of military life. I would only expect this new method of military training will soon yield the following basic training day: Every morning the new recruit will awake between 0500 - 0900 (whenever it is most comfortable for the G.I. to rise); The breakfast buffet will be served from 0600 - 1000 offering a wide variety of foods from around the world as well as a large host of on demand freshly squeezed juices; 1030 - 1230 all recruits are expected to show for physical training, but only will engage in such strenuous activity if they feel up to it ... if not, there's always tomorrow; 1230 - 1430 buffet lunch; 1430 - 1530 alone time with sarge to discuss his training methods and how you feel about them so he can become a better instructor and the recruit can effectively communicate his likes and dislikes about his treatment since he arrived at basic training; 1530 - 1800 target practice at the range ... but only if the recruit's personal feelings toward firearms are not compromised and his beliefs are not disrespected. If he is one to object to, or has an issue with, shooting any type of weapon, he may then go to his barracks to have some personal time to do with as he chooses; 1800 - 2000 ritzy catered dinner buffet; 2000 - 2200 nightly campfire sing along and swap meet with other soldiers; 2200 - 2215 fluff feather bed; 2215 - 2230 sarge comes in to tuck everyone in and read them a bedtime story; 2230 - 0500 sleep. Ladies and gentlemen, this is why the rest of the world laughs at us.