Nobody Is Safe From Evil Plots

Yet another report from yesterday's newspaper. After the recent heavy rainfall experienced (8.88 inches within a 36 hour time frame) from the last big storm that passed through the area, 16 dams of small lakes, streams, and tributaries made it to the critically wounded list in the Lackawanna County and are in need of immediate repair. After hearing such a proclamation, the public wanted to know which sites were in danger of failing so proper measures to save their property could be taken until repairs have been made. The counties response ... they are not willing to disclose that information because (get this) it is a matter of national security. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried! Apparently, there must be some rogue terrorist cell out there somewhere in the county just waiting for such crucial strategic information to leak out so they can deliver a crippling blow of flooded cellars and ruined home gardens to about fifty people, bringing all of the citizens of Lackawanna County to their knees begging for mercy.